


Blind Faith

by AngelMoonGirl



Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe, Angst, Blindness, Can you tell I love being sadistic to my favorite characters, Character Study, Dark Kingdom, Drama, F/M, First Kiss, First Season, Fluff, Friendship, Healing, Major Character Injury, Romance, Slow Burn, Still trying to keep it as canon compliant as possible though
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-06-12 06:46:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15334170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelMoonGirl/pseuds/AngelMoonGirl
Summary: An AU re-telling of the Rainbow Crystals arc, in which Usagi is blinded during a disastrous battle against the Dark Kingdom and it's none other than her worst enemy Chiba Mamoru who has been tasked to help her learn to live without her eyes. Meanwhile, Tuxedo Mask grows concerned over the unexplained disappearance of Sailor Moon... UxM.





	1. The Monster

**Author's Note:**

> This one hit me like a ton of bricks. The ideas just kept coming and coming... it was all I could do to keep up! Thank god I had a pencil handy! As you can tell by the summary, this is an AU, but in many respects I am trying to keep the story as close to canon as possible. Imagine the opening chapter takes place in-between episodes 27 (Ami/Urawa) and 28 (Yumemi the artist). But there will be some major exceptions... First of all, Rei never dated Mamoru. It just doesn't jibe with what I have planned. Second, Mamoru's work at the hospital is much more advanced than in the actual timeline, given what I need him to do later. Third, Usagi's moon wand operates a little differently. In my story, it also goes off when enemy activity is nearby, not just for Rainbow Crystals, and something else I can't tell you because *SpOiLeRs*! Lastly, I'm going to be mixing up the order (and sometimes manner) in which the Rainbow Crystals were stolen. That's really about it, but if I'm forgetting anything, or something relevant pops up, I'll mention it. I promise you won't get lost ;) Now... on with the story!

"Oof!"

Stars exploded in front of her vision, but this was hardly a new occurrence, and she was able to shake herself from stupor with just as much speed as she had only seconds earlier been urging her legs into.

"Oi, Odango - you have eyes for a reason, you know? Do you  _ever_  watch where you're going, or do you just  _enjoy_  barreling headlong into things?"

Usagi blinked, gazing up at the figure that came looming into her sights. Even if she didn't recognize the crossed arms and miserly scowl, Usagi would have known that pretentious drawl anywhere. It was the last thing she wanted to deal with right now, at five minutes to eight.

"Leave me alone, Mamoru-baka! Can't you see I'm running late!?" The irate blonde exclaimed, jumping up from the sidewalk where she'd fallen most spectacularly onto her backside.

"I think every time I see you, you're running late," Mamoru pointed out, and none too kindly either. Usagi huffed loudly.

"Ugh. Do you just get off on being an ass to people? Is that your sole reason for existence? You know, I wish I never had to see you again!" she spat, then shoved past the stupid prat with his stupid lavender-gray pants and even stupider pea-green jacket. Someone  _really_  needed to chaperone the man when he went shopping, she thought, as she took off in the direction of the junior high school without a single glance back. What a jerk!

As Usagi placed some distance between them, she immediately began to cool down. It was crazy how one person could evoke such an intense reaction from her. She didn't think she'd ever disliked someone this much, except maybe Rei, but at least the fiery shrine priestess was slowly coming around. With Mamoru, there appeared to be no hope. Usagi sighed, skidding into Juuban Municipal with just a minute to spare (a new personal record, given how late she had left the house). Oh well. As long as they were able to keep out of each other's way, they'd be just fine. But that was the problem. Even without meaning to, she  _always_  seemed to run into the Raven-Headed Jerk. It was as if fate were playing a cruel joke at her expense.

Usagi tripped as she fairly fell into the classroom.

"I'm here, Haruna-sensei!"

The class erupted into stifled titters as Usagi stood there, breathing heavily and awaiting judgement. She watched as Haruna laid down her attendance book, glancing up at the clock.

"Well... in at the skin of your teeth, Tsukino-san, but I suppose you may sit down.  _Please_  do try to get here even just a few minutes earlier,  _if_  it's not too much of an imposition on your sleep schedule," the auburn-headed teacher declared, with heavy acerbity. The class giggled even harder, but Usagi ignored them as she sat down next to Naru. She snuck a quick smile over to the girl, glad to see Naru was finally beginning to look more like herself. The death of Nephrite had hit her old childhood friend hard, but thanks to that visit to the graveyard and Umino's tireless efforts, she was getting out and doing things again. Usagi was very happy, but only wished she could be more present for some of those outings. The Dark Kingdom had been very active lately, which meant Sailor Moon had never been more needed. It was exhausting, and a big part of the reason why she could never seem to wake up on time anymore. Usagi longed for the day they would find the Princess, and she would not need to fight anymore. Surely someone so all-powerful would be able to fend for themselves?

"Umino bring you lunch again today, Naru-chan?" Usagi whispered, suggestively waggling her brows. Naru turned bright as a beet as she hissed back,

"I don't know a thing about that, Usagi-chan, not a thing, and I don't appreciate your insinuations either!"

Usagi snickered, knowing perfectly well what was unfolding between those two, even if Naru refused to see it. They were adorable together, and one of these days Matchmaker Usagi was going to work a little bit of her magic.

"You know, there's this really neat, kinda romantic garden oasis I found-"

"TSUKINO-SAN! Don't make me regret my earlier leniency.  _Turn around_  and  _pay attention_!"

"Yes, m'am."

oOo

The day flew by in uneventful fashion; a welcome relief to Usagi who just two days ago had needed to skive off her last lesson for an energy-sucking youma at the mall. She had thought those days were over, now that the enemy seemed to be focusing on these Rainbow Crystals - remnants of the legendary lost Silver Crystal, Luna had said, that were used to seal away the Seven Shadows - but apparently their foes were growing antsy at the lack of progress. They seemed to need human energy to sustain them, so on top of Zoisite's attacks, there were also these 'rogue youma' to contend with. It was frustrating, never knowing what to expect. But at least her new moon wand alerted them when danger was near, and even where that failed, they still had all the powers of Ami's super computer at their disposal. It was a good system... it just never allowed for much downtime.

"Ahhhh," Usagi whined, walking beside Makoto with her arms in the air, holding her bookbag atop her odango like a milkmaid would her bucket. "I can't believe how much homework Haruna-sensei gave us tonight. I have no idea how I'll be able to finish it all!"

She turned and pouted, looking behind Makoto to a poster of Sailor V, throwing her trademark sign over one eye with impish aplomb.

"I bet Sailor V never has to worry about homework!"

Makoto smirked, gazing up at this girl with her mysterious white mask and vibrant red bow, the image nudging loose some strange feeling of deja vu before it was gone. "Who says superheroes don't have homework? We certainly do!"

Usagi frowned, unable to argue with that. So, she changed tactics. "I hope Ami-chan gets out of cram soon. Maybe with her help I can at least get like, half of it done."

"You mean, so  _she_  can get half of it done, while you pretend to be catching on, when instead you're just reading Rei-chan's manga under the table?" Makoto countered, a big doofy grin stretched across her face as she tried and failed not to sound encouraging of such behavior. Usagi laughed and shrugged sheepishly as they both rounded the corner.

"Well maybe if math was made into manga, I would understand it better!"

"Very true."

Usagi stopped in her tracks as they were walking by Crown. She squealed and grabbed Makoto's arm, shaking it. "Look! Motoki-onii-san's working today! He must be back from his vacation!"

"Rei-chan's waiting for us," Makoto reminded the blonde, the reluctance in her voice made even more prominent when she coupled it with a lovesick gaze in at the sandy blonde who 'just looked so much like my old senpai'.

"Rei-chan can go stuff it!" Usagi said cheerfully, as she dragged Makoto without a fight into the gaming center. The two junior high schoolers pounced on the older boy with ravenous excitement.

"HI MOTOKI-ONII-SAAAAN!"

"HOW WAS YOUR TRIP?"

"How do you know he went on a trip-"

"I have my sources-"

"He never said he was going on a trip, he said he was doing university stuff!"

"He definitely went on a trip!"

"Ahhh, hi," Motoki interrupted, uncomfortably scratching at the side of his face. "I've missed you guys too. But what on earth is this all about?"

Usagi got right up in the arcade manager's space, somehow managing to be hurt, happy, demanding, angry, and adorable all at once. "Mako-chan says you went on a trip and you didn't tell me!?" she cried, not even attempting to keep herself within the confines of the decibel scale.

"Well, yes and no. I just went to Hakone. It was sort of spur of the moment," Motoki answered, chuckling at how flustered his normally vivacious friend was. Teenagers were funny creatures, he thought, thinking of how similar Usagi was to Unazuki. Maybe someday he should introduce them. "Reika wanted to try the Odakyu-"

"Odakyu as in the  _Odakyu Romance Car_!?" Usagi shrieked, even as Makoto leapt in (quite literally - Usagi almost landed on her butt for the second time that day) with,

"WHO'S REIKA?"

"Um, what's that noise?"

"And why isn't he using honorifics..." Usagi mumbled to Makoto.

"Usagi-chan, is your bag beeping?"

"Don't change the subject!" Usagi snapped, sending her index finger inches away from Motoki's nose.

"Ah, Usagi-chan, I hate to say it but I think we have to go-"

"WE MUST SOLVE THIS MYSTERY!"

"We gotta go," Makoto growled, yanking Usagi bag and all from a completely befuddled Motoki, who just waved awkwardly at their departing figures.

"What- no, we don't! We have to find out who Reika is and why Motoki-onii-san is taking her on a  _romance_  car, unless you missed that part-"

"I think  _you're_  missing something, oh fearless leader," Makoto hissed, jiggling the bag she still held in her hand from the forcible eviction of her friend out of Crown and certain heartbreak. "We'll get to the bottom of this Reika thing, mark my words, but first - we have a city to save."

"Oh yeah," Usagi murmured, staring at her bookbag with something akin to disappointment married with shame. She could hear the telltale beeping now, signalling the Dark Kingdom was on the move. She hated that she could never have one day of peace anymore. Just one. But at the same time, she knew she couldn't let down the world either. Not when she was the only one with the power to bring back these innocent people from the monsters who had overtaken them. The fourteen-year-old sighed. "Let's go get that rainbow-loving creep."

oOo

It wasn't Zoisite and his black honing crystal when they arrived on the scene, dressed for war right in the middle of bustling downtown. It was another one of those rogue youma, but this one was unlike any they had ever encountered before. The thing towered at least forty feet into the sky, monstrous and horrifying to all who beheld it. The creature was a dusky violet, vaguely ram-like in its construction because it bore a set of antlers, but its skin was spongy and full of pores, and it seemed to be sporadically shooting ooze from these holes in its body. The ooze crackled and sizzled once it hit a target, slowly eating away at the item like acid until only charred remains were left. Sailor Moon felt her stomach lurch as she saw, it wasn't just inanimate objects that had been affected. Civilians were all around, running for their lives, some clutching half-rotted limbs as they screamed for salvation. It was awful.

"You! How dare you bring harm to the citizens of Tokyo," Sailor Moon shouted, her voice cracking on the words, unable to muster the same sort of facetiousness she normally would, given the gravity of this situation. "I will punish you severely for this... in the name of the moon!"

"And I in the name of Jupiter!" the thunder warrior cried, already beginning to prepare her attack.

"OCHI-ME!" the youma screeched, in a harsh and discordant voice. It jerked and the antlers moved along with it; growing and darting and grasping into the fleeing crowd below. The two Senshi gasped, one of them swearing quite vociferously, as they watched the antlers become tentacles that wrapped around numerous people at once, sapping them of energy. And even as this was happening, ooze exploded out of the monster called Ochi-Me and the girls were forced to dive out of the way. It was chaos, pure and simple.

"Shabon Spray!"

"Fire Soul!"

The street filled with dense white fog as streaking missiles of fire rained upon Ochi-Me's disfigured countenance. The creature howled in pain, flailing, sending more people to the ground.

"Good timing!" Jupiter said by way of greeting, curt nods of agreement from both Mercury and Mars. Luna was at their feet, looking out at the devastation before her with shock and sorrow.

"So much collateral..." she murmured, before shaking herself. The mission before all else. "We have to aim for its eyes! Mercury's computer says that's its only weakness. Hitting it anywhere else will only aggravate the beast further."

"Yeah, and try not to get hit by any of  _that_ ," Sailor Moon added, watching as Ochi-Me geared up for another dousing. It couldn't see where they were, so apparently its plan of action was just to send acidic goop in every direction. Not exactly a bad plan, if you were a forty-foot youma with double the trajectory. "Look out!"

The Senshi ran for cover behind cars and poles, narrowly missing the dangerous streams by only seconds.

"This is hopeless," Sailor Moon sobbed, crouched behind a melting Suzuki. "These youma just keep getting stronger! When will it ever end?"

"When we destroy them," Luna spoke up sternly from under her charge's arm, having joined the Senshi leader when they sensed Ochi-Me's impending attack. "And we will, Usagi-chan. Be brave. We have to aim all our powers at the eyes!"

"Where's Tuxedo Kamen-sama?" Moon whined, apparently not finding courage in a single word Luna was saying. "We need his help!"

The cat released a quite aggrieved noise of frustration. "How many times do I have to tell you, we can't rely on that man? We don't even know if he's friend or foe- and  _don't_  try to argue with me about that right now, Usagi-chan, this is NOT the time!"

Sailor Moon huffed, noticing Mars and Jupiter were now trying to creep from out of hiding, and she bemoaned the fact that now she would have to do the same. They all met on hands and knees behind an empty, overturned bus.

"We separate, then fire from different angles," Jupiter said, cracking her knuckles as if just itching to beat this youma with her hands alone. "All at once and we aim for the sweet spot."

"Sounds like a plan to me," Mercury said, looking to Sailor Moon. "We basically just need to slow this thing down long enough for you to have the opportunity to use the wand without getting... you know..."

"Slimed," Sailor Moon replied, the ghost of a smile flashing across her frightened features.

"On three, then? Three... two... one... GO!"

The Senshi scattered like leaves to the wind, sailing over the streets and bounding onto different buildings in an effort to confuse the youma. It appeared to be working; Ochi-Me didn't know where to look and so it just started spraying at random. Sailor Moon managed to stay out of sight, waiting for the perfect moment. She gripped her crescent mood wand tightly. The monster raised its voice again in an enraged cacophony.

"OOOOCHIIII-MEEEEE!"

"Over here, you deranged dishrag! SUPREME THUNDER!"

"FIRE SOUL!"

"SHABON SPRAY!"

"Now, Sailor Moon!" Sailor Mars called, high up on an office balcony, motioning at the blonde while Ochi-Me's attention was diverted.

"Right," Moon murmured to herself, steeling her resolve, then bolting out into the center of the melee. She raised her wand with a confidence she still didn't quite feel, no matter how many times she said the words and watched her opponent dissolve into dust. In the end, she just wasn't cut out to be a fighter. Not like Mars and Jupiter. And she wasn't calculated like Mercury either. Which is perhaps why she faltered just at this most inopportune moment, when everything rested on her shoulders and she felt the weight so acutely, the seed of doubt taking root in her mind.

What good was she as a soldier, if not for this sparkly stick in her sweaty palm? What good was she compared to her fellow warriors, whose strength coursed through their minds and their veins when all  _she_  wanted to do was crawl home and cry?

That brief moment of hesitation was all that was needed to bring about her undoing.

Ochi-Me caught the glint of light as it reflected off the crescent wand, spinning to accost its newest adversary. Quicker than Sailor Moon could even blink, the creature struck, dispersing a deadly blast of its acidic innards right at her defenseless person. The breath caught in her throat and she froze like a deer in the headlights... the wand useless in her slack grip...  _so this is how it ends_...

She felt a powerful impact and then her body was wrenched backward, undulating in the air, until she landed with a painful thud onto unyielding pavement.

_But I'm alive...?_

Sailor Moon groaned, aching in places she never knew existed. There was definitely road-burn on a good three quarters of her extremities, but it was a dull throb that paled in comparison to the sensation of her nerves going haywire; the sensation of a body - bigger and more masculine - pressed against hers. She couldn't breathe again, but this time it was for a whole other reason entirely.

_He came!_

The superheroine could hardly speak around the heart hammering in her throat, but she pushed through with sheer force of will. "Thank you," she stuttered, as he carefully rolled off. "Tuxedo Kamen-sama."

"Are you alright?" the masked crusader asked, in a low voice. Sailor Moon sat up, noticing that her rescuer had swept them away from the worst of the danger. And then she noticed his smoking shoulder; the way he had set his jaw into a gruesome clench. She gasped.

"I should be asking you the same question! It got you!"

"Just a flesh wound," Tuxedo Kamen grunted, waving her off.

"It doesn't look like just a flesh wound...!"

"I said I'm fine," he replied, quickly and tersely. She worried her lips but did not have a chance to press the issue; Ochi-Me realized it had been foiled and like most youma, it did not take to that fact with any measure of grace. The giant beast roared, an abject fury overtaking all of its inhuman features until it was fairly spitting ooze in every direction. The pair on the ground watched in horror as the acid hit a number of power lines, causing the wiring to go berserk. And then, the way the poles began to teeter and sway, in a motion that seemed to imply that the whole circuit was about to go down - directly onto a group of quivering civilians who had been unlucky enough to get stuck ducking behind some fallen debris. Tuxedo Kamen jumped into action.

"I'm going to help get these people to safety - can you girls handle the youma on your own?"

"Of course," Moon nodded, even as she doubted that they would ever be able to defeat this thing. But Kamen was right; the evacuation process was just as important, and at the moment, that group's lives were depending on his aid. So Sailor Moon swallowed whatever reservations she might have had and bid him silent prayers for good fortune as she watched him sprint away. Then she looked back to the raging beast with a determined expression. If Tuxedo Kamen could place his life on the line for her, then surely she could do the same for him. They just needed to get this youma away from here; somewhere where Ochi-Me would do less damage, thus eliminating much of the distractions currently keeping them from fulfilling their goal. And there was really only one way she could see that happening...

Sailor Moon would have to offer herself as bait.

"HEY! Leper Barney! Yeah, you! I'm over here! Why don't you come pick on someone closer to your own intelligence!"

" _What_  is she doing?" Sailor Moon heard Mars holler, but she ignored the ornery priestess with practiced ease as Ochi-Me swiveled to lock its sights on her, and she waved the shiny crescent wand like one would an enticing carrot on a string.

"If you want me - come on and get me!"

Ochi-Me let out an unsettling war cry before it lunged angrily at the blonde and her weapon, barreling dumbly towards her. It was at that point with the enormous forty-foot creature bearing down on her that Sailor Moon realized  _maaaybe_  she hadn't thought this through quite as thoroughly as she should have. The girl "Eep!"ed before turning tail and running as fast as she could in the other direction - anything to draw it away from the heart of the city. Somewhere, she heard what sounded like Jupiter swear for the umpteenth time this afternoon.

_Sorry, girls. But we have to do **something**!_

And then Sailor Moon almost giggled, despite the outrageous inappropriateness, given the situation. But as she bolted and dodged and mostly just did her best to fumble her way out of this mess she'd brought down on herself, she realized -

 _This_. This was her strength.

She may not have brains or cunning or brawn or really  _any_  sort of physical prowess in her favor (just walking without tripping was normally an ordeal for her)... but she was a damn good distraction when the going got tough. She was the monkey wrench in the system. The wild card. And so Sailor Moon utilized her skills to their fullest potential, noticing with a thrill of victory that her plan was succeeding. Ochi-Me followed her closely as she lured it out of downtown. She hoped to lead it somewhere where less innocent bystanders might be drawn into the fray; somewhere that was open, yet still offered protection should they need a place to shelter. Perhaps the junkyard or the nature park. But just as Sailor Moon was making the decision as to which, she felt something slimy brush against her leg. She jerked to the left and glanced back, only to have to sidestep to the right yet again when another tentacle reached out, swiped, and missed.

Shit.

She forgot it had that capability.

The fourteen-year-old felt sweat gathering on her brow. This was proving to be a lot trickier than she initially intended. She pushed her legs even harder, but it was a losing battle. Ochi-Me was simply too powerful. The youma's tentacles struck out again, and this time, they hit home. The superheroine yelped as she felt herself ripped into the air, struggling fiercely against the binds that surrounded her; squeezing the life out of her. Stars exploded in front of her vision for the second time that day.

"Help..." Moon gasped, quite helplessly indeed. She knew Tuxedo Kamen had his own troubles right now, and the girls, well, she sort of left them in the dust too, didn't she? She was alone, suffocating and suffering and draining of energy fast. Her only hope was that Mercury might be able to track her with the super computer, and even that seemed like asking for a miracle.

Kicking and squirming became a tasking chore as she felt herself growing sluggish. Soon she was no more useful than a rag doll. Her vision blurred. It was so,  _so_  hard to keep her head up.

"Tuxedo Kamen-sama..." she murmured, with the last desperate dregs of her strength.  _Please. Help me_.

"LET HER GO!"

Sailor Moon perked up, with what little cogencies she had left. Her heart gave another trill before she recognized the voice as female. But she could hardly feel let down -

The calvary was here!

"SUPREME THUNDER!"

"FIRE SOUL!"

The elements combined and twisted into one lethal attack that sent Ochi-Me screaming. Sailor Moon felt the tentacles loosen and then drop her entirely, and she fell like a limp marionette with strings cut straight to earth, landing in a painful heap. She could not even muster a single ounce of strength to move, her energy depleted, sucked bone dry by the beast still writhing and screeching above her.  _It must have been a direct hit_ , the girl thought, dimly. The ground began to rumble and shake beneath her face as Ochi-Me stumbled around, fighting the effects of the Senshi's assault. That was when it happened -

The Dark Kingdom monster suddenly stopped its lumbering around, a look of immense raw fury building on its manic countenance. It started to quiver, quiver like an arrow on its taut bowstring, just upon the precipice of release. Mars started yelling "Get her,  _get her_!" with pure panic in her voice, but it was too late. Acid ooze began to rain in every direction, and even as Sailor Moon felt hands grabbing at her, yanking her away from peril, she felt the sudden explosion of agony that meant she hadn't been able to escape that easily.

She started to scream, scream as loudly as Ochi-Me had been, only moments earlier. She tore and clawed at her eyes, but it was futile, nothing staved off the sensation of fire ants eating their way through her very skin. She could just barely detect that there were other voices rising in a crescendo around hers, but she couldn't tell what they were saying, couldn't fathom anything except pain, so much  _pain_.

Until there was nothing at all.

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	2. The Doctor

Coming back to consciousness was a lot like trying to drag herself up out of quicksand with just her fingernails as leverage. It was a slow and arduous process, full of false starts and flutters back down into what could only be described as a comforting nothingness. Sometimes she thought she heard voices, and she would attempt to rouse, only to feel as if there were a heavy weight upon her lids. She still felt so weak, so drained, that often surrender was easier than trying to keep up the fight. She didn't know how long she stayed inside the darkness, drifting in and out of fever dreams, but at some point she did come back to her senses, and with that return to awareness was Tsukino Usagi's first words in nearly a week.

"...'m hungry," she mumbled, with lips that felt like ancient parchment. There was a sudden flurry of movement over her head, an excited shout, and dimly Usagi registered other noises surrounding her... a steady, constant beeping... the tick and whir of umpteen machines... and if she really pricked her ears, more activity in the areas beyond. It didn't take a rocket scientist to realize where she was, particularly as the memories of Ochi-Me came flooding back in horrible detail. She cringed, both in recollection of how that battle ended and because she really was very uncomfortable right now. Everything  _ached_ , like a throb she felt from the top of her head right down to her toes.

"Usagi!"

The blonde groaned, still focused on cataloguing every new pain as she slowly came more and more into full wakefulness. That strangely heavy feeling about her eyes hadn't dissipated, she realized, and so clumsily she reached up only to find a rough fabric had been bound there.

"No no... don't touch the bandages, Usagi. At least not until the doctor gives the all clear," a voice interrupted the fourteen-year-old's explorations, and she felt a gentle, warm hand catch hers and bring it back down.

"Mama," Usagi breathed, raggedly.

The hand squeezed hers, then another came to frame the side of her face, careful of the wrappings there.

"Hi baby," the familiar voice said, in a tone choked with thickly suppressed emotion. She felt Ikuko stroke the wisps of hair at her ear with the pad of her thumb, and relished in the fact that at least she wasn't alone in this scary place. There were few places she truly hated more than the hospital. It reeked of sterile death. As if Ikuko sensed this, she added, "I'm here. It's okay. Don't worry, we'll have the doctor in here as soon as we can. Your nurse ran off to retrieve him."

"What happened?" Usagi whispered, even though she knew perfectly well the answer lay in a botched distraction attempt and lots of Dark Kingdom... whatever that hell that goo was.

There was a long beat, and Usagi could feel her mother's tension like it was another physical being in the room. She was about to open her mouth and ask what was wrong when Ikuko hesitantly began,

"You had a run in with one of those... those  _monsters_  that's been wreaking havoc on the city lately, on the way home from school with your friends. They... they said it targeted you for energy, and that they managed to get you away but that this only made the creature angrier. It shot some sort of acid in your face before the Sailor Senshi arrived and destroyed it."

"They destroyed it?" Usagi latched onto that bit with enormous relief, murmuring "Thank God!" before wondering how exactly, when it had been  _so_  strong; so formidable. Which brought her to her next query -

"Where are the girls?"

Another pause, though this one shorter than the last. "School, I assume. Though they've... all been by fairly regularly to check in on you; see how you were doing. Ami-san sat with you quite a lot and read from your textbooks while you slept. She didn't want you to fall behind and explained there was a chance you would still absorb the information despite being in a non-responsive state."

Usagi groaned aloud. "No wonder I was out so long!"

Ikuko gave a soft chuckle. "I told her the chance was  _very_  unlucky you'd remember any of it upon waking up. She, grudgingly, agreed with me. Oh, and Naru-chan was here yesterday with Umino-san as well. They've all been very worried and will be so happy to hear you're awake at last."

Usagi smiled, her heart welling with gratitude for having such amazing friends, even if they did subject her to schoolwork while unconscious in the hospital. She unthinkingly reached up again to paw at her bandages; they cloyed and itched and were altogether very bothersome.

"Usagi,  _stop_ ," Ikuko reminded, and Usagi frowned at the querulous edge to her voice. She reluctantly dropped her hands, picking instead at a loose thread on the bedsheet.

"You said the doctor will tell me when to take them off? Why not now?"

She didn't mean it to, but the question emerged more like a petulant whine than an innocent curiosity. She couldn't help it; she didn't handle restriction well. It made her a little claustrophobic, and anyways, nothing made her feel better more than seeing the ever present reassurance in her mother's kind blue eyes. She could use some of her 'It's all gonna be alright, dear' eyes right about now.

Ikuko sucked in a shaky breath. Usagi cocked her head, nonplussed by the immediate increase in tension she felt fill the room.

"Mama?" She pulled herself very carefully into a sitting position, ignoring the protest of her ribs. She reached out to where she knew her mother to be, some puerile need to either console or be consoled taking hold, and started when she encountered wet skin. "Mama! Are you crying?"

Ikuko's hand was trembling now as she brought Usagi's fingers to her lips; kissed them fiercely.

"You know we love you no matter what, right? That we'll help you no matter what? Move mountains for you, if you needed it."

Usagi's heart was beginning to drop as she nodded along; yes, yes, of course she knew all that. Had never once doubted their support much less their love, even when she did things behind their back that would surely send them into an early grave were they in the know. She could only think of one reason her mother would react this way...

"What aren't you telling me?" Usagi whispered, trying to swallow her fear and failing miserably. Her voice became shrill when she begged, "Mama... what's wrong with me?"

She was so,  _so_  scared, dread curling like a beast in the pit of her stomach, but nothing could have prepared her for the true horror of the answer.

"The- the acid... it got into your eyes... They rushed you into emergency surgery, did everything they possibly could, but... it was too late. They couldn't reverse the damage to your cornea." Ikuko's next words were spoken very quietly, yet packed a punch as vicious as if she'd screamed them. Her mother was unable to hide her anguish as she continued, "The doctor says... it's unlikely you'll ever see again."

The air left Usagi's body as if it had been knocked out of her. She began to hyperventilate, hardly registering as the machines around her started going crazy, and new voices joined the fray, telling her to calm down, just breathe, but how in the hell was she supposed to do that when she had just been told she was  _blind_? How would anything be okay ever again? She was lost in a world of darkness, never to see sunshine again; clouds and birds and colors and oh god, the faces of her friends and family, all gone...

The panic came hard and fast, and though she could still hear instructions being thrown at her from all directions, it was just too much on top of the loss of life as she knew it. Usagi passed out, back into the nothingness that was now to be her everything.

* * *

Mamoru pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to stave off the headache that had been brewing for near on a week now - basically, ever since this whole mess began. It started with the battle against that deranged youma from the Dark Kingdom, and ended with him pulling so many hours of overtime he hardly remembered what the inside of his apartment looked like.

There had been so much collateral from that awful afternoon in the city. The hospital was so overrun with injured bystanders that it hardly had room for them all. It was a constant flow, with those who were not a high priority case being referred a district over. This led to more than a few angry prospective patients, which is how Mamoru came to be standing in the middle of the waiting room trying to reason with a woman with a hyperactive nosebleed.

"M'am, if it's only a trickle it's not going to kill you yet. I have people about to drop dead of severe blood loss from an arm or a leg that was  _burnt off_  during the downtown debacle that require the emergency room far more desperately than you," Mamoru was saying, done with being polite to this hag with a hankie. She brandished it like a weapon, biohazard be darned, but Mamoru stood his ground.

"Now you see here, you miserable lout-"

"That will be quite enough," a voice cut through the nasty termagant of a woman's defamations, and in stepped a tall middle-aged man in starch white scrubs. He had an old, tired look about him, but the wrinkles around his eyes bore a youthful humor and it was this wry humor he leveled Mamoru's way before schooling his expression to face the firing squad. "I understand you're upset, but that is no reason to insult my interns. As Chiba-san has explained to you numerous times, we have our hands full with victims of the attack downtown. We're booked. Now I apologize most sincerely for the inconvenience, but Roppongi is only fifteen minutes away and I happen to know the Midtown Clinic would be more than happy to correct your issue, in half the time and for half the price as well. I do know a person or two, and can make a call on your behalf as long as you please cease distressing my other patients."

That shut the woman up real quick, and after a curt thank you she passed along her information to the receptionist and was on her way. Mamoru followed the older doctor out into the hall, shaking his head all the while.

"It's madness, I tell you. Everyone out there thinks their problems are worse than everybody else's, and meanwhile we have people upstairs who are actually dying from melted limbs and stolen energy, so weak they can barely raise their heads. And don't get me started on their  _manners_..."

"Well if she was any indication, I think I have a good picture," the doctor said, chuckling deprecatingly. "Come... you're useless to me out there. I think I have something much more up your alley. A long term project, so to speak..."

Mamoru's interest was piqued, and he jogged a little to keep up with the other man's brisk pace. "What is it, Chiryoshi-sensei?"

Doctor Chiryoshi smiled at Mamoru, leading him through the maze of hospital towards their still unknown destination. "Something that is going to require every bit of your unerring patience. You told me you wanted to gain more training in rehabilitation; well, I think this patient is going to be the perfect candidate for you, and with your focus in trauma recovery, I foresee this being the best fit for both parties. I have a girl - tough case - who was involved in the 'downtown debacle', as we're apparently calling it now? She took a beating like the rest of them, came in completely battered, and we were able to fix her up nicely in that respect but... in the course of the attack, the acid was shot into her eyes and she was blinded. I need someone willing to dedicate their time to getting her back on her feet; lead her through the convalescence process. Basically... to teach her the rudimentary skills she once knew but now must learn all over again. Because as it is, she's... not taking the transition well."

"Whatever you need," Mamoru swore, his heart twisting painfully as he tried to imagine what that poor girl must be going through. He saw that he was being taken into the intensive care wing, and wondered what this job would have in store for him. As if on the same line of thought, Doctor Chiryoshi added,

"I know this going to be a rather difficult venture for you; something we've never asked of you before. Which is why if you succeed, I'm willing to offer you a permanent position on my team. You're only eighteen, but your diverse range of skills, strong work ethic and innate knack for picking up on what others often miss vast outshines all others in your year. You're something special, Chiba-san. Born to be a healer. I would be honored to take you on as my personal assistant, and guide you through the residency program until you yourself are ready to don the white jacket."

Mamoru gaped until he realized how rude that was, and rushed to compose himself.

"I... That would truly be the greatest honor, Chiryoshi-sensei. I will try to be worthy of your faith in me," he said, his heart thrumming like a child's at Christmas, still struggling to pull himself together. Chiryoshi was a mentor to him in a way few others had been, and he knew it would be the chance of a lifetime. He was finally beginning to see the light at the end of the long, dark tunnel that was getting his medical license.

"Don't try. Do," Chiryoshi responded; his favorite saying. He cast a gentle smile at Mamoru, a subtle vote of confidence, and Mamoru felt emboldened. They ended their journey outside a closed door, but Mamoru could hear muffled voices from within. "And the only faith you need to be earning right now is hers. So. Are you ready?"

"Yes sir," Mamoru answered, without a beat.

Chiryoshi knocked in warning, then slowly pushed open the door, his practiced look of professional solicitude already in place. Mamoru did his best to mimic the expression before following the doctor into the room...

Only to stop dead in his tracks when he saw who laid upon the bed.

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	3. The Patient

Usagi honestly did not think things could get any worse.

She spent the hours after being told she was blind in a sort of morose stupor, refusing meals and choosing instead to just lie there pretending like she couldn't hear on top of see. Wasn't being a vegetable kind of like being blind anyway? She could no longer enjoy the things around her. No TV, because who wanted to just _listen_ to a show? No manga, because how would she read it? Her mother, bless her, had tried her hardest to draw Usagi out, but then she made the mistake of attempting to describe the pictures in Usagi's latest shoujo and that set the odangoed blonde off again, turning to weep brokenly into her pillow as it was once more driven home all the things she was going to miss. That was when she discovered she couldn't even _cry_ properly anymore. The damage to her cornea had also ruined her tear ducts, leaving her with an awful burning sensation that could not be relieved. It was misery, drowning in her feelings yet unable to release them in the manner Tsukino Usagi had previously been so known for, so she just laid there hiccupping and gasping and making altogether a rather embarrassing display of herself. She was glad when everyone finally stepped out to give her some privacy, aware of the mass exodus by the sound of retreating footsteps.

No, she really did not think the situation could have gotten any worse.

But apparently, fate was bound and determined to prove her wrong.

Some hours after Usagi's long crying jag - or lack of crying jag, which somehow was even worse - there was a knock on the door. Ikuko and Kenji, who had arrived with Shingo after picking the boy up from school, ceased their discussions about what alterations they could make around the house to make Usagi's life easier. Usagi could sense their anticipation as Dr. Chiryoshi announced his presence.

"Good afternoon, everyone. Usagi-san, I hope you're feeling well today?"

Usagi played self-consciously with the loose threads on her sheets. "I'm fine," she said quickly, feeling like she had never made a statement further from the truth. Ikuko cleared her throat, in that obnoxious Mother-Knows-Best kind of way that makes all children want to roll their eyes. "Well... I guess my ribs have been a little sore."

"You had a few minor fractures that will take some time to heal. I'll see if the nurse can increase your pain medicine, but just for tonight. We have to be careful, because it's strong stuff, very addictive, and I don't want you to become reliant. Tomorrow we'll try just a couple Advil and see if that suffices, hmm?"

Usagi nodded, not really caring either way. She had endured her fair share of pain these past few months, more than she ever thought she would in a lifetime, and this constant ache in her ribs was nothing compared to being used as a homicidal youma's punching bag. But the medicine they gave her made her feel funny; like she was floating high above her body. Perhaps it would be nice to escape it all for just one more night. The girl blinked and had to pull herself from thought as Dr. Chiryoshi continued; a feat harder than it used to be, now that she didn't have the luxury of facial cues.

"You'll probably need to stay that course for at least a few weeks after discharge, and even after you're feeling back to 'normal' we'll still want you to take it easy until we can determine you truly are in the clear. Ribs are a very tricky business. But!" Here, Dr. Chiryoshi clapped, his voice becoming markedly brighter, "Speaking of your departure home! I do believe I have some good news. The nurses and I agree, your progress has been remarkable. When you first arrived, as your parents will attest, it was very touch and go. You gave us all a good scare. But all that sleeping you've been doing has done _wonders_... it's like your body took that opportunity to go full force on recouping and repairing. Just truly remarkable. I've never seen a patient bounce back so quickly after all the abuse you took."

Usagi blushed at the marvel in his voice, wondering what his reaction would be if he knew it was because of Senshi power.

Now if only her power could cure blindness, she thought soberly.

"That's why I think it's safe to say we can probably send you on your way in only a couple more days."

"I can go home?" Usagi asked hopefully, in a hushed whisper. She longed for her plush coverlet and the peace of her quiet bedroom, where she didn't have to deal with constantly being poked, prodded, and hovered over.

"I don't see why not. At this point, a familiar home environment will be far more conducive to your healing than remaining here, where our resources are unfortunately stretched rather thin at this time. But don't fret - I won't be discharging you empty-handed. Usagi-san, did you hear how many pairs of feet came through that door when I entered?"

Usagi blinked at the odd question. "Erm... two?"

"Correct!" Dr. Chiryoshi said, the beam on his face evident even without her sight. "Very well done, Usagi-san. Very promising. Nothing is going to be more important to you now than your powers of hearing. In fact, you may even experience an _increase_ in your abilities. When one sense fails us, the others will often band together and take over where the other left off. It's like... our own personal failsafe. Now I'm not saying it's going to be an easy adjustment... but you will adjust, Usagi-san. The human body is nothing if not adaptable. And to help you do that, I have enlisted the help of one of my top ranking interns, whose work in trauma recovery is becoming legend around here. Everyone, please meet one of Azabu General's finest - Chiba Mamoru."

Usagi was fairly certain she just stopped breathing all together, her blood running cold as ice as she wondered desperately if she'd heard him right.

_Chiba... Mamoru?_

* * *

_No._

_Oh, no oh no oh no oh no..._

Mamoru barely listened to the glowing accolades being lavished upon him, too busy was he in still trying to process the fact that the patient before him was none other than Tsukino Usagi - bed-ridden, bandaged... and blind. Her family whom he had never met stood around the bed gazing at he and Dr. Chiryoshi with the most hopeful expressions on their faces, like he was some savior come to bestow a miracle, and Mamoru felt like the worst of phonies because _he couldn't do this, how the hell was he supposed to do this_ , and even more disconcerting was that he couldn't seem to stop _staring_ at Usagi. Just, staring at her like one would a train wreck, horrified yet unable to look away.

His brain struggled to reconcile the image of this broken shell of a girl with the bubbly, happy-go-lucky one who never failed to land - quite literally - into his path, his personal space, every morning.

He'd wondered where she'd been this past week.

Mamoru swallowed past an uncomfortably dry throat, the noise sounding more like a gulp to his ears. He wished Dr. Chiryoshi would quit hailing him as such an 'exemplary human being'. He could hardly see Usagi's face since she was half-covered in the thick white gauze, but he was pretty sure she was thinking something other than 'exemplary' if the grit to her teeth was any indication.

"So if you're willing, I'd like to have Chiba-san visit with you a couple afternoons a week, though perhaps every day just to start, until you have mastered the basics..."

If _she_ was willing? He didn't even know if _he_ was willing anymore! How on earth was he supposed to take on something of this magnitude; to play teacher to a person he could barely even stand to be _civil_ with? But Mamoru had to tame his wild thoughts as Chiryoshi turned a blinding smile on him, all pride for his star intern, and dammit, he couldn't back out and let the man who was such a mentor to him down now, could he?

And then, the final nail in his coffin -

Tsukino Ikuko approached on timid feet, but her eyes were still plying him with that look that made him feel like he should've been able to walk on water. Oh, if only she knew the enmity that existed between him and her daughter. Mamoru felt so unworthy of their faith. She stopped just in front of him and he shifted nervously.

"I just want to say..." Ikuko's voice cracked and she cleared it, trying again. "I just want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart, Chiba-san, for being willing to dedicate your time to helping my daughter-"

"Mama," Usagi cut in, trying to keep her tone even, but Mamoru could still detect the exasperation, embarrassment and irritation lurking deep within. He knew them well.

"Hush, you," Ikuko threw over to the girl, then turned back to Mamoru with tears in her eyes. "Anyways, I just... I just want you to know how much this means to us. Like Dr. Chiryoshi-san said, we're all struggling to adjust right now, but having you around will make the changes that much easier. So... thank you!"

Mamoru was nearly knocked back when the small woman surprised him with a very unexpected, very tight hug that just about broke a rib, and he had to try very hard not to wince as she bumped into his shoulder. It was still smarting from the hit he took during battle. He awkwardly patted her back and in that moment he knew, there really was no going back. He was going to teach Tsukino freaking Usagi, the Odango Atama, how to live without her eyes. It was a terrifying thought. He glanced over and saw that the aforementioned blonde was trying very hard to not gag. He immediately felt weird and began to extricate himself as politely as possible from her mother's embrace.

"You're welcome, Tsukino-san. It's... really nothing," he mumbled. "I like helping people."

Usagi let out a poorly disguised snort-turned-cough.

"You're a lovely boy," Ikuko declared. "I like him!"

This time, Usagi's displeasure was rather more pronounced. The glare she seemed to be leveling in his general direction was positively frosty. If looks could kill...

Dr. Chiryoshi interrupted the moment, and probably Mamoru's untimely demise, with another clap of the hands, drawing the attention back onto him. "So... Usagi-san. What do you say? Will you do it?"

The teen's face screamed deer in the headlights, and Mamoru didn't blame her; he felt much the same. But this was her chance to turn back. To demand someone else, _anyone_ else but the man who made her every morning a living hell and she his. There was a looooong pause, and that's what Mamoru figured she was working up to do. He could already feel the sigh of relief building in his chest.

He was thoroughly shocked when she replied, softly and slowly, "Yes."

Mamoru gaped at Usagi. She looked miserable. Like she'd been backed into a corner and forced at gunpoint. And yet... she _could_ have said no. They hated each other. Well, maybe hate was a strong word... but they definitely annoyed each other and were generally not fond of the other's existence. So why had she agreed? It made no sense.

As Dr. Chiryoshi started in on what they could expect in the coming weeks, Mamoru watched Usagi's face closely for any clues as to the reasoning for her answer, but found none. At the very least, he took solace in the fact that he clearly wasn't the only one dreading this arrangement.

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	4. The Wand

" _Anyone_ else... they could have picked absolutely ANYONE else, a monkey even, and that would have been preferable! ALL the people here in the hospital, and they had to go with _him_!?"

It was late afternoon and Usagi had just been reunited with Ami and Rei. The girls had come over as quickly as they could, thrilled to hear she was awake at last. After the initial hugs, Usagi quickly filled them in on what had transpired with Mamoru, unable to keep from loudly venting her frustrations.

Ami patted her arm sympathetically from her spot on the bed beside Usagi. "I'm sorry, Usagi-chan. I know it's not an ideal arrangement. But if the hospital doesn't have much manpower to spare, then it can't be helped, and he does sound like one of the most qualified for the job."

Usagi groaned. "He hates me. He hates me and I hate him. It's going to be miserable. Worse than a month straight of detention. I really don't want to do this!"

"Well... why are you?" Ami hedged, in an uncharacteristically uncertain voice. "You could have told the doctor you're uncomfortable with this set-up. Perhaps he could have looked into another candidate."

"And let that jerk win!?" Usagi exclaimed, shaking her head vehemently.

"Usagi, that's ridiculous," Rei cut in. Usagi could imagine the crossed arms and downturned brows all too clearly, as she turned to bluster in the priestess' general direction.

"It is not! You just... you don't understand, Rei-chan. You don't know how it is with him."

"I know that it's ridiculous you're whining and complaining when _you_ are the one who agreed. And maybe while you're at it you could show a little more gratitude? He's _helping_ you... he's helping you in a way no one else can!"

"Rei-chan..." Ami inserted, like a scold only gentler.

Rei's voice was shaking in the way it so often did when she was losing her cool with Usagi. Usagi had to bite her tongue very hard not to turn this into a full out argument. Sometimes being with Rei was a lot like being with Mamoru. She quickly changed the subject to something that would not result in one of them screaming at the other, even if her insides were still broiling at the 'ungrateful' comment. What did Rei think, that Usagi _wanted_ to be in this position?

"So how did you end up defeating the monster?" Usagi asked, a bit stiffly. She kept her query low in case anyone walked by the door at just the inopportune moment.

"Your wand," Ami answered, her voice taking on the sort of intrigue she usually exhibited when encountering an equation she could not immediately solve. "When you went down, we... we thought that was it. We thought all hope was lost. But then... suddenly, it was like, we all knew what to do - without even talking about it. It was eerie. Rei-chan can back me up on this. It's kind of like... we all heard a voice in our heads telling us to grab the crescent wand. I have no idea how but _it worked_. We pooled our powers and the wand acted like a conduit, taking our different attacks and magnifying them into something more; something so much stronger than we could have created alone. I don't think I've ever felt as, well, as _complete_ as I did in that moment. Like I'd come into my full powers. We completely obliterated the creature."

Usagi listened with rapt attention, ruminating on the crescent wand and just how little they apparently knew of its abilities. But there was also the slightest feeling of jealousy, niggling deep in her gut. "I thought I was the only one who could operate the wand." _I thought that was what made_ me _the leader._

The awe was still dancing around in Ami's voice as she answered, chuckling, "Well, there is still truth to that. We had to recover for _days_. It left all of us utterly exhausted, not just physically but our magical reserves were depleted too. I struggled to even maintain my transformation. You make it look easy!"

That momentarily sated the blonde, and she relaxed against the pillows. "I'm glad you were able to get rid of it."

"As are we," Rei said, quietly. The quiet remained for a few seconds longer, then Usagi heard Ami rustling around in her book bag. She was about to moan over what she figured was the impending emergence of a textbook, never having felt less like studying, but the girl was surprised when she felt something cool, metal and familiar sliding into her hands.

"Speaking of the wand... I thought you might want it back," Ami said, only to be interrupted with Rei's razor sharp,

"Ami-chan. _I thought we discussed this_."

"We did. And I disagreed with you."

Usagi's eyes widened from beneath their bandages, catching on to the meaning of their words with a foresight she didn't usually possess. Her heart skipped a beat.

"You want to keep it?" she whispered, her fingers tightening unconsciously around the handle.

"No, Usagi-chan-" Ami began, but was once again derailed by Rei.

"Of course we do! What if there's another attack like the one we faced downtown, huh? What are we supposed to do, twiddle our thumbs and watch while the city falls around us? That wand is our _only chance_."

"But it's mine," Usagi countered, cursing the thick burning sensation in her throat, and how petulant she sounded right now. But it was true. This wand was the symbol of everything she was as a Senshi. It made her their leader. It gave her her ultimate power. Without it, she was... she was...

Leave it to Rei to coax out the inner demons she had been terrified to uncage.

"Face it, Usagi," the shrine priestess intoned flatly. "You can't fight anymore. You're a liability in the battlefield. The wand is useless to you. At least leave it with us where we can stand a freaking chance against these things!"

"Rei-chan!" Ami shouted, appalled. Usagi barely registered her reaction though, so shaken was she by Rei's harsh words; harsh but true, all of it. They rattled around in her brain, refusing to relinquish their awful hold. _Useless_. _Liability_. The noose of her dark new reality wound ever tighter against her neck, and she felt suffocated by the loss of all that made her important in this world.

"It's true, Ami-chan!" Rei fired back, in just as noisy a fashion. "She can't be Sailor Moon anymore! And you, you sit there trying to placate her like there's nothing wrong, like she's not... like she's not..."

Rei's voice broke, broke like a vase crashing to the ground and shattering into a thousand tiny pieces, and she turned tail and raced from the room, the door slamming behind her. The silence left in her stormy wake was almost painful, both remaining girls breathing heavily and not quite sure what to say in the tattered quiescence that followed. Ami was the first to make the tremulous attempt.

"Usagi-chan... she... she didn't mean it like that..."

Usagi slowly slunk down the pillows until she was recumbent, still clutching the returned moon wand for dear life. Her tone was affectless as she answered, "Of course she did. Rei-chan is nothing if not brutally honest."

"Usagi-chan, you didn't see her..." Usagi felt Ami's cringe as the girl realized her poor phrasing, but still the erudite plodded on, desperate to make her friend understand. "She was barely holding on by a thread the entire time she was in here. It kills her to see you like this. She blames herself. We _all_ do."

"Is that why Mako-chan didn't come today?" Usagi whispered, softly rubbing the sharp edge of the crescent against her lips as she continued connecting the dots she didn't want to connect. "She's not really under the weather, is she. She's scared to see me like this, too."

"Usagi-chan..."

"To see me _weak_. Weak and _useless_."

"Usagi-chan, stop it!" Ami cried, grasping at the blonde's shoulders and giving her a little shake. Usagi found herself wishing she could weep again, but the absence of tears made her lay there in stony avoidance. "Yes, Mako-chan was afraid to come today. So was I. This isn't easy for us, and we all deal with our fear and our pain and our guilt in different ways. Mako-chan withdraws. Rei-chan takes shelter behind her anger. And I... I read up until all hours of the night on optometry and try my hardest to solve the puzzles that cannot always be solved."

The blue-haired fourteen-year-old laughed bitterly; self-deprecatingly.

"But you! You have _always_ been the strongest of all of us, Usagi-chan. You _cannot_ give up. Don't sentence yourself to a life of despair and inaction because all seems hopeless right now. We _will_ find a way to get you back out with us again. This is _not_ the end. Do you hear me? _It's not the end!_ "

Usagi smiled wanly at her certainty, wishing she could feel that confident. But that day seemed a million miles away, lost to the prospect of having to re-learn such simple things as how to cook a meal or cross a street without someone having to constantly guide her way. She slowly relaxed her death grip on the handle of the moon wand, feeling like she was having an out-of-body experience in the time it took to carefully pass over the rod and let it go into Ami's unwilling fingers... the transfer of power complete.

"Usagi-chan... no..." Ami protested, meekly, trying to push it back.

"Ami-chan, it's okay. I'm not giving up. I'm just being practical," Usagi said, refusing her hands. "Rei-chan's right. I have no use for it right now. But you guys do. Protect the world in my stead. Please."

Ami swallowed so loudly, Usagi heard it. She was still very reluctant, but she agreed, "Just for a little while, okay?"

"Sure," Usagi returned, with a smile that didn't extend beyond her mouth. Ami seemed to sense that her friend was still down in the dumps, so she reached out and tenderly rubbed the top of Usagi's hand in a comforting motion.

"Hey. They'll come around. You'll see. Just give them a little time," the scholarly teen reassured. And again, "This isn't the end."

Usagi nodded, but the act was really just reflex at this point, because inside she was still mourning the loss of her crescent moon wand and in effect her title as Senshi leader, and as much as she tried not to think this way...

It sure felt an awful lot like giving up.

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	5. The Cat

Going home was a mixed blessing.

In one way, it was a relief. The bandages came off, which was kind of like getting to take off a jacket after being forced to wear it for too long in a too mild environment. She had gotten used to them, until she thought about the fact that they were _there_ , and that would get her tugging and rubbing at them as surreptitiously as possible until someone ultimately noticed and scolded her. Now at last she felt as though she could breathe again; it was an incredibly freeing sensation. Usagi also was looking forward to no longer having to deal with people constantly checking in on her. It was a little overwhelming, but also frustrating, because she could never seem to find a private moment. And what she wanted most right now was to be alone; to mope and feel badly about her current plight, and all it entailed - strained friendships, training with Mamoru... the list went on.

At least Ami was still in her court. The girl came by to visit Usagi on her last day in the hospital. It was under the guise of keeping her company for a bit while Usagi's mother ran some errands in preparation for her daughter's homecoming, but really Usagi was pretty sure it was just so the erudite could fill her in on all she had missed in school. As Ami prattled on excitedly about algebraic formulas and Usagi half-heartedly nodded along, deep down she wondered... Would she even be able to go to school anymore after this? Once, she might not have cared. Would have been overjoyed at the prospect of being allowed to skive on her studies. But now...

Usagi had also inquired on the girls only to receive a forlorn hand on the shoulder in response. She sighed. She knew the reasons behind their distance... but it still _hurt_.

"Please don't worry about it, Usagi-chan," Ami pleaded. "They're just feeling a little lost right now, but they'll find their way back. Promise."

Usagi tried to keep a positive attitude about the whole thing, but after Ami left the depression began to creep back in. She felt so alone. So ostracized by her friends; even her family. As they began the process of packing up and checking out, that was when Usagi noticed the way everyone just seemed to, well, _tiptoe_ around her blindness. She felt like a child, a very incompetent child with their simpering voices and their hands all over her, Ikuko tightly gripping her hand and Kenji her back, guiding her along like she might go down at any moment. And then there was Shingo, stupid little brother Shingo who she could always rely on to blow her a raspberry and break the levity - or her sanity, it was often a toss up - of any situation, and even _he_ didn't seem to know how to handle her. He spoke to her in stilted snippets of forced politeness, so awkward and hesitant that Usagi wanted to scream.

She wasn't suddenly a different person because she was blind. She was still _Usagi_ , still the same inside even if a little changed outside, but as they sat in the car and surrounded her in the worst attempt at cheerful bravado she'd ever encountered, the girl found herself withdrawing.

She didn't want to pretend nothing was wrong. Didn't want fake smiles, didn't want to be led around everywhere like a helpless tot. She was beginning to feel painfully trapped inside this vehicle with her family blabbering banally around her, clearly wishing to involve her but so afraid of saying the wrong thing, and it only devolved the closer they got to home. Usagi finally had enough when she had both Ikuko and Kenji on either side of her, each holding an arm, each coaxing her down the front walk like one might an errant dog.

"You don't need to hold my hand - I know my own house!" Usagi snapped, wrenching herself free of them.

"Usagi..."

"I can find my way to my bedroom," she said haughtily, trying to retain as much dignity as possible as she brushed past them, achingly aware of the uneven layout of the path before her, yet somehow she managed to make it to the stoop without landing flat on her face. That was a small victory in and of itself, yes?

She could still sense that her parents were hovering annoyingly close, but at least they had given her this much - a long leash was better than nothing - and that cooled her down a bit. She yearned with a need so powerful it was almost palpable to be within the safety and solace of her bedroom, and so she reached out, feeling her way up the railing and to the handle, one step at a time; one obstacle at a time. She could do this. _She could do this_.

It was so important that she be able to do this; this one simple task that before would've involved no thought whatsoever.

The door pushed open under her urging and oh, the smell that crashed into her like a tidal wave off the Pacific was so beautiful and familiar and comforting that Usagi wanted to sob with relief. She was _home_. The girl breathed in deeply. She could detect hints of Papa's coffee and Mama's cooking still lingering in the air from breakfast. There was also a pleasant floral undertone that she recognized as the family's laundry detergent, and something else she couldn't quite identify but that was still uniquely _them_. Oh, she had missed this!

There was a loud meow at her feet. Usagi immediately brightened up, reaching down to let the feline leap into her arms.

"Luna!"

"I swear, I have never seen a cat so beside itself," Ikuko declared, and Usagi straightened, nuzzling her small friend close, rubbing her cheek against the silky soft fur. Luna's purring reverberated in her ear. "While you were at the hospital, she just paced around the house like a mother bear without its cub. She didn't seem to know what to do without you."

Luna made a noise that Usagi took as concurrence. She smiled, whispering more to the cat than anyone else, "I felt the same."

Luna's purring increased in volume. Usagi gave her one last squeeze before gently setting the creature back onto the floor. She made a motion to move toward the direction she knew the staircase to be, before Ikuko quickly intercepted her.

"Oh Usagi... I made cookies earlier. To celebrate your homecoming! Do... you think you'd like some or...?"

Usagi's lips twitched almost imperceptibly downward. "I'm really just tired right now, Mama... I think I'll head to bed."

"Right, right, of course, I'll just... Shingo, will you help your sister upstairs-"

" _No_! I mean... no," Usagi answered, trying to temper the belligerence out of her tone, because she didn't _not_ want their help, it was just... Couldn't they let her be, just for an hour or two!?

It was all still so much. She needed to be alone so badly right now.

Usagi started again for the stairs with an inching gait, feeling Luna right at her feet like her guardian feline was trying to show her the way, and gratefully she followed the cues. They began the ascent very slowly, Usagi sure that her parents were huddled at the base of the stairs just waiting to catch her should she plummet. She tried very hard not to think about that possibility.

 _5...6...7..._ Usagi counted the steps, each one bringing her closer to the thirteenth and last, each one like a release in tension she didn't even know she'd been storing. When she finally arrived at her bedroom door, Luna curling around her legs murmuring "Very good job, Usagi-chan", the girl felt like she could collapse then and there. Apparently, it was exhausting work just laying around for a week. But she kept going, kept pushing onward, until her hands hit the bunny coverlet. She squeezed the fabric gently, smiling to herself. _I did it. I really did it._

She would have to thank her mother for having made her bed, because she was certain it was nowhere near this neat before her absence. But she filed that thought away for another time; a time when she didn't crave sleep like it had been denied to her, when in reality she had done nothing but. Usagi didn't even take off her clothes; she just crawled right under the covers and let her bones sink into the sublime softness. No mattress could ever compare to her own, especially not the awful stiff hospital ones. She sighed, closing her eyes, then musing for the umpteenth time why she was even bothering to do so when there was no change in her vision. That brought Usagi's morose mood careening back, and she curled in on herself, _hating_ this darkness, this separation from the world she so loved, and worse... the people she loved.

A warm body nudged its way into her cocoon, slipping under her arm with a dexterity of movement only a cat could possess. Usagi felt Luna's sandpaper scratchy tongue give her nose a little kiss.

"Hey you," the fourteen-year-old greeted, cuddling her smallest friend close. "You're gonna blow your cover worrying about me so obviously like that."

Luna let out an affronted huff in response to her charge's teasing. "No, blowing my cover would have been breaking into the intensive care unit after hours to come see my injured ward, and believe me, I was _sorely_ tempted. But that place is locked up tighter than a castle under siege!"

"Does that mean you made an attempt?" Usagi gasped lightly.

"Let's just say it involved me, flat on my back, out in the middle of the street, sporting one very sore scruff."

" _They didn't_!"

"They did. And then had the audacity to call me a 'dirty alley cat'... _me_! An _alley cat_!" Luna scoffed in disgust.

"That. Is. It. I'm marching straight over there right now and kicking someone's ass!" Usagi exclaimed, which led to both of them dissolving into giggles. It was a brief moment of levity, of normalcy, but all too soon reality crept back in. "Or I would. If I wasn't a useless invalid incapable of protecting a fly."

Luna's voice was sober as she broached, "Ami-chan told me what happened with the girls. Usagi-chan, I am so sorry their reaction was... well, it wasn't fair or understanding of them at all."

"The situation had to be addressed either way," Usagi said evenly, in a rare display of insight for the odangoed blonde. "Rei-chan could have used a little more tact for sure, but... she's not wrong. They need to protect the city. And I am... unable to do that in my state."

She swallowed past a lump the size of a dumpling, but managed not to crumble, nor let any of the bitterness she felt leak through. A definite feat.

Luna's voice was more tender and gentle than it had ever been when speaking to the fourteen-year-old, like she knew full well the effort Usagi was putting into keeping up a brave front. "You showed great maturity, giving Ami-chan the moon wand, Usagi-chan. I know how hard that must have been. You did the right thing, and I'm so proud of you."

"Mm."

"The girls will come around too. No need to worry. They deal with things in their own way, but they would never intentionally hurt you. Even Rei-chan," Luna quipped with wry humor, unconsciously summoning the ghost of Ami's words from earlier. But Usagi didn't want to think about that anymore, so she turned her face into the pillow and murmured a muffled apology to the cat about needing to rest now. Luna's voice still carried that same warmth as she told Usagi to sleep well, promising to watch over her. And watch she did, keeping vigil from a perch by the window, Usagi somehow aware of her presence even though she couldn't quite explain _how_ , but it comforted her nonetheless.

She slept for a very long time, past dinner and the timid knock from her brother calling her downstairs, not rousing again until sometime after midnight. She'd had a dream about dress shopping and eating kinoko no yama with Naru, so vivid she could still see the white lace and feel the sticky residue of chocolate on her fingers, but it was just memory... a wispy imagining that was slowly seeping away; away, into the black hole that was her mind, and everything was just dark dark dark...

Usagi whimpered. As a child, she could easily switch on a nightlight when nightmares got the best of her, but what could she do now to chase away her fears? When her waking life _was_ the nightmare?

She felt the shift in weight when Luna leapt onto the mattress. "It's alright, Usagi-chan. It's alright. I'm here."

"Luna," Usagi sniffled, opening her arms. "Oh Luna, it's so dark. I'm scared... I hate it. I _hate_ it, Luna!"

"I know," Luna whispered sadly, laying her head upon the girl's chest. Usagi's hand was trembling as she pet between the cat's ears, trying to distract herself from the overwhelming sense of helplessness; the sense like she was dangling on the precipice of some great gaping chasm, and if she were to topple she would just fall down and down and down... a never-ending darkness. But then, she was already there, wasn't she? Already in the clutches of darkness, so deep no light would ever be able to touch her again.

It was a terrible thought, but then an even more terrible one crossed her mind, and Usagi shivered with the awful yet enticing force of it. Later, she would look back with immeasurable sorrow on this moment; this weakest point in her whole journey, when she wondered whether a life without light was one even worth living at all.

_It might have been better if that youma had just killed me instead._

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	6. The Bedroom

Usagi's funk persisted into the following morning, looming over her like a gruesome specter, souring her thoughts, her motivation, even her hunger. It did not go unnoticed by her family; her mother finally gave up asking Usagi to come down for breakfast and left her a tray on the nightstand, which the girl very reluctantly picked at, and only because Luna badgered her to do so. The cat was unwavering when Usagi suggested she get some fresh air, never once leaving Usagi's side. She secretly was glad for the company, even if she still wanted to be alone. It was a confusing dichotomy of feeling, but maybe it was because Luna offered something no one else had -

Patience.

She wasn't hurrying Usagi out of bed, trying to get her to go about her day like usual. She understood that Usagi needed this time to grieve; to heal... That it was okay _not_ to be okay. And she was showing her, in her own small way, that she would still be there whenever Usagi was ready to face reality.

It was a welcome relief from the way her parents were acting, their hounding at her door becoming so incessant she wanted to bury herself under the covers and scream.

Her father was the first to start the cycle.

"Ah... sweetheart... hi..." Kenji said, cracking open the door while knocking, a habit Usagi had always hated. She rolled over to gaze in his general direction. "How... how are you?"

"Fine," the girl answered automatically; dully.

There was a lengthy pause, and Usagi was pretty sure she heard her father tugging at his tie; his nervous tell. He cleared his throat awkwardly. "...that's, er, that's good. Your mama just sent me up here to remind you that you have your first session with Chiba Mamoru-san this afternoon and she thinks you ah, might want to be getting up now. Alright? She's got lunch cooking downstairs... will you be wanting any?"

"I'm not hungry," Usagi sighed, words she was wearing out today with their use.

There was an even longer pause and even more rustling. The girl almost felt bad for causing him so much discomfort - this really wasn't Papa's area of expertise - but she just felt so darn listless.

"Okay," Kenji replied at last, his tone vaguely defeated. He started to close the door with an, "I love you, sweetie."

"Love you too, Papa," Usagi whispered back, but he was already gone. She sighed a second time, nestling herself deeper into the pillow, still very aware of Luna's eyes on her. Usagi was sure she was positively bursting with admonitions, but mercifully, the cat said nothing. So she shut her eyes, and forced herself back into a restless slumber.

The next series of knocks was far more jarring than the last.

Usagi groaned audibly, yanked from the dregs of a lovely dream about living in space and being able to watch the sun rise over a young earth, but it was quickly escaping her as her mother's shrill voice rang out.

"Usagi!" she was calling, the same way she would whenever Usagi had dozed a little too long past her alarm. " _Usagi_! Your lesson is in an hour and I'd like to hear some signs of life in there, please!"

The fourteen-year-old scowled groggily. "I don't want to go."

"What's that?"

"I don't. _want_. to go!" Usagi cried, sitting up. She heard the bedroom door moan inward as her mother entered, and crossed her arms obstinately over her chest. There was a brush of fur past her leg and she felt Luna's cold paw rest against her, but whether it was in solidarity or as a warning, she didn't know. "Why do I have to!"

Ikuko's voice was carefully measured when she responded to her fuming daughter, but it was not the 'Because I'm telling you so' Usagi was expecting. Instead, she caught Usagi off guard with the very thing she had been wrestling with more than anything these past few days, and it hit her like a ton of bricks to the gut.

"Do you not want to help yourself?"

Usagi fumbled for words, her mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water, but nothing came. It seemed very uncharitable to let on to what she was really thinking, and that was that maybe she would rather live out the rest of her days here, in bed, a recluse. What would be so bad about that? Safe from the perils of the world; never having to navigate the many unknowns that right now just seemed so insurmountable. And most of all, she wouldn't need Chiba freaking Mamoru to show her the way.

"I... I don't know."

Ikuko's voice was a rough mixture of disappointment and sorrow as she addressed Usagi, and it was as if she knew exactly what her daughter was not saying. "Well I hope you figure it out. You have so much life left to live, Usagi, and you won't do any of that cooped up in here."

Usagi was surprised when she heard the sound of retreating footsteps and the door swinging shut on her. She felt very cut down to size, and shrunk in on herself, still sullen. What did Mama know? She really didn't need anything else other than this room. No school. No fighting monsters. No friends. After all, they wouldn't be bothered to come and visit her anyway. Yes, she was _perfectly_ happy here.

Here... there was no chance to be hurt again.

Clinging to this small solace, Usagi rolled over onto the cool side of the pillow and, knees to her chest, attempted to escape reality one more time. It was hard, because she'd slept _so_ much already, but she was Tsukino Usagi after all, and she could probably win a napping marathon with both eyes open, ha. There was also a desperate lingering hope inside her that she might have another dream. She knew that was counterproductive, that it was just her brain playing tricks on her, but it was the only time she got to see again... and bittersweet illusion was better than nothing. So she settled down with eyes squeezed tight, and tried to ignore the unspoken sentiments in the sigh Luna let out, too similar to her parents' own.

oOo

Usagi was having another dream about space, and weirdly enough she could see earth from the same vantage point as in her other dream, except this time there was someone with her. She couldn't quite make out her companion, but his profile was distinctly male, and an attractive male at that if his sharp cheekbones were any indication. They didn't talk - _they didn't have to, there was just as much comfort between them in perfect silence as there was in idle conversation_ \- just gazed down at this majestic planet with hands clasped, and an overwhelming awe in her heart.

"I want to live there with you," she told this shadowy man with breathless yearning, and he chuckled deeply, a gentle rumble that bubbled up from out from his chest and made her feel weak at the knees.

"Don't you have a certain responsibility here?" the voice, also indistinguishable in her muddled dream state, inquired just as longingly.

"I don't care."

" _Wake up_..."

"We can run away. Far away, where they'll never find us! Build a cottage on some far-flung island by the sea, just you and me, growing old, not a care in the world..."

" _Odango_..."

"It's a lovely dream, isn't it?"

" _Jesus, Odango, you sleep like the dead. Wake. Up_!"

Usagi grunted, the beautiful images in her mind beginning to slip away as the darkness crept back in, and with dawning awareness came a certain irritation with her mother for beckoning her away from this pleasant other realm...

Wait.

Her mother never called her _Odango_.

Usagi's eyes snapped open, and she jerked up out of bed, dragging the blankets with her, gathering them at her chin. She stared uncertainly towards the direction of her door, heart beating very uncomfortably fast. She could have sworn...

"Ah, there you go. That wasn't so hard was it?"

 _Definitely_ not Mama's voice. Usagi's tone was pure venom as she spat out, "You! _What_ are you doing in my bedroom?"

Chiba Mamoru's voice was a concerted attempt at suave as he replied, "Actually, I'm not _in_ your bedroom, if you er, can call this mess a bedroom?"

Usagi could feel her cheeks flushing hot pink, wondering just what state she left her room in before engaging in that fateful battle and what personal effects were undoubtedly lying out in the open, but she didn't let her embarrassment dissuade her from her initial fury. "And just who told you you could come in here!" she shouted. There was movement at her arm; Luna was beside her again, tail flicking, primal animal instincts kicked into first gear - ready to protect her charge if need be.

"Again, I'm not _in_ here, I haven't set a foot over the threshold, but if you must know it was your mother who asked me to see if I could retrieve you for your lesson. Something about depressed, refusing meals or even to leave the bed, and needing a different kind of encouragement than she felt she was able to provide? But, _clearly_ , she was wrong," Mamoru said, in a disbelieving drawl so weighed down with sarcasm it should have collapsed the floor around him. Was it possible to blush even harder? Usagi could feel the way his eyes were appraising her and her undoubtedly _very_ disheveled state; a week without a shower had certainly done her no favors. And if that wasn't bad enough, Mamoru continued to shine the proverbial spotlight, knowing all too well which buttons to push and push he did. "You ever heard of the Kübler-Ross model? The five stages of grief? Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Any of those sound familiar right now?"

Usagi grit her teeth so hard it hurt. _How dare he_ encroach on her personal space - her _safe_ space - and preach to her about how she should or shouldn't be handling her blindness? It was infuriating to a whole new degree; she didn't think she'd ever been this angry in his presence before.

"You don't have a clue, Chiba. Not one damn clue! And just because my mother is head-over-freaking-heels for you, don't you think for one single second that you will _ever_ in a million years get the same from me!"

"Truly, I'm hurt. But as I was saying, what you're going through is a very natural process-"

"You can drop the condescending tone and get the hell out of my bedroom now, Mamoru-baka. There will be no lesson today," Usagi growled, slicing across him like a machete through soft flesh. She could feel it, a powerful something building inside her, and she shook like a leaf in a storm... only the tempest was _her_. Mamoru was either oblivious of the impending danger, or he didn't care.

"You can't avoid this forever, Odango. You can't hide from your family and friends, you can't stop eating, you can't sleep your life away... none of those will bring back your sight, no matter how hard you try. You have to face this-"

"I said. Get. _Out_." Usagi's voice was colder than she'd ever heard it. Beside her, Luna hissed - a low warning. Usagi appreciated the back-up, but knew if push came to shove, she could definitely hold her own against this man. After all, who among them was the superhero with celestial powers?

"Odango," Mamoru sighed, and he sighed it like he was exasperated with a misbehaving toddler. After the same puerile treatment from her family, that was the final straw for the odangoed fourteen-year-old. She shrieked in fury and grabbed at the first thing she could get her hands on. A drugstore plushie from the brief feel of it - the cute rainbow colored donkey, a very fitting selection if she did say so herself - before she sent it sailing toward her archnemesis.

"GO AWAY!"

She heard the _fwop!_ as Mamoru's hand connected with the plushie and he redirected its flight, and his mumble of, "Scary." But she was far past the point of no return, and completely unable to see the humor in this situation. Her blood was positively boiling as she continued to scream,

"GO AWAY, AND DON'T COME BACK! I hate you so much! You're _horrible_! Your parents must be so _ashamed_ of what an _ass_ you are!"

Oddly enough - just like she had known of Luna's vigil over her last night without truly being able to visualize her - Usagi sensed Mamoru's bristle. It was like a change in the air; a sudden chilly pall that had descended over the two, and whereas before Mamoru had kept a tight cap on himself, now Usagi heard real anger in his voice.

 _Good_ , she thought bitterly. _A taste of his own medicine_.

"You are a coward, Tsukino Usagi. A crybaby and a coward. So go ahead. Lie here and rot in this bedroom. Why should I care," Mamoru sneered. "I never wanted to be in this position in the first place. You were the one who had the chance to say no, to choose someone who could coddle you back to life or whatever the hell you want right now, and instead - for some unexplainable reason - you still picked me. I don't know what you expected from this... what you hoped to achieve here. But if your goal was to humiliate and insult me, bravo. You win. Now I'm going to take my leave, before I do or say anything brash, and you can take solace in the fact that your last wish to me the morning before the 'Downtown Debacle' came true. You never have to see me ever again. Have a nice life, Odango Atama."

* * *

It took supreme effort not to slam the door in his wake, but Mamoru was trying _so_ hard to take the high road here; to not stoop to the levels of petty Odango had just displayed. Inside, he was fuming.

The comment about his parents had been utterly uncalled for. He knew Usagi had no idea about them, about the accident and how horrible and lonely his childhood had been ever since, but it still didn't justify what she'd said.

He wasn't an ass.

Well... he wasn't _always_ an ass.

He certainly had his moments, and somehow it was usually her who brought that acerbity out of him - why was everything intensified around this small fiery blonde? - but he really had been trying to help her. Had he been going about it all wrong? Was she right to have taken offense with him? Mamoru sighed, rubbing a hand over his face, taking extra care to massage the aching synapses long and hard as he slowly, defeatedly, made his way back downstairs.

He was a very factual learner. A sensate through and through. He thrived off of being handed the 'how's and 'why's of a problem, which then allowed him dive in and dissect the issue, and only then once he understood every piece of the puzzle could he hope to solve it. That's what he had been _trying_ to do with Usagi... give her the keys and see if she might've unlocked it herself... but maybe, Usagi didn't operate that way. She was after all his opposite in most things... perhaps she learned best by looking at the puzzle in a different way. A 'bigger picture' way. So while he tackled life's little obstacles with all the mental acuity he'd been given, perhaps she was more of a tactile learner. If they ever were to continue their lessons, he would need to think of more hands-on activities to get her brain whirring, back on the track it needed to be if she was to have any hope of making progress.

That was a very big _if_.

Bordering on _never the hell again_.

Mamoru wandered into the kitchen to find Ikuko nursing a chamomile tea, her body slumped over the cup and the counter like she had barely the strength to sit with her normal grace. Still, she snapped to attention when Mamoru entered, plastering on a brilliantly fake smile.

"Mamoru-san! That was quick! How did it go?"

"Er... not well. She... didn't feel up for training today."

Ikuko immediately deflated, sighing, her dull blue eyes dancing a wayward path back to the curls of wispy steam making their way out of her mug. "Yes... I thought I might have heard her raised voice. She's... still struggling to come to grips with it, I think. I'm sorry you came all this way. I'd see if I could coax her out but I just- I don't know what to do to help her. She's shut us all out."

Ikuko looked so lost, so completely set adrift, that Mamoru wanted to give her a hug. But she wasn't one of the few close to him, and he knew it wouldn't have been proper, so he fought the urge - his only tell a slight twitch of the fingers. The eighteen-year-old then bowed deeply, murmuring, "Thank you for having me, Tsukino-san. I'm only sorry I couldn't do more. If... if she happens to express an interest in trying-"

"You'll be the first person I call," Ikuko said, and this time, her smile was genuine. She stood up and went to stand in front of him, reaching an arm up to pat his cheek in a gesture so motherly, it brought a pang to Mamoru's chest and a lump to his throat. He swallowed it away. "And please. None of this Tsukino-san nonsense. Call me Ikuko-san."

Mamoru blushed, ducking his head as he turned for the door. This time, the lump was more difficult to chase away. "Good afternoon, Ikuko-san."

He ambled out onto the porch and down the front walk, feeling the tension in his shoulders beginning to release as they sagged forward, and he groaned.

Well... that was a disaster.

The more Mamoru reflected on what had just occurred with Usagi, the more appalled he became with himself. He usually had so much more control than that. He often prided himself on his compartmentalization; his ability to hide his emotions inside a box, to be taken out and examined at a later point, once he was alone. Safe. It was a coping mechanism he learned long ago, at the orphanage, and it was really what allowed him to _function_ all these years. Otherwise, the sheer monstrous pain of his past would have surely struck him down, far before he had the chance to make something of himself. But this... this had just been so inappropriate on his part. Wasn't he supposed to be the teacher here? He was supposed to keep his cool, maintain his professionalism, no matter what his student - his _patient_ \- threw at him. It was one of the most important aspects of his job.

Mamoru resolved that should Usagi ever reach out to him for training, he wouldn't let it devolve like that again. Wouldn't let her get under his skin... even if she inadvertently brought up the sore subject of his parents. There was no excuse for how he acted. _Though..._ Mamoru cocked a wan smile, musing with chagrin as he remembered the frighteningly dead look she had greeted him with, _I suppose at the very least, I did manage to light a fire in her._

* * *

It was not a fire Mamoru had lit in Usagi.

It was an inferno.

Everything from the past week - the arrangement with Mamoru, her friends' distance, her family's endless clucking over her, but most of all, the pure 'why me' terror of having to be blind - was swelling and seeping within her like fast-moving cancer. She was an arrow upon a bow, pulled taut... A frothing pot, about to boil over... her whole being screamed for release but there was no relief for her, no, not now that she could not cry. So Usagi just stood there, shaking, fists squeezed so tightly she felt her nails drawing blood, all the while gasping as if on the verge of hyperventilation.

Luna was saying something, and Usagi strained to hear her over the thunderous pulsing in her ears.

"Usagi-chan... he's gone now... it's alright. Let go. Just let it go."

Luna's gentle encouragement resounded over and over in her head. _Let go_... _just let it go_... Usagi hiccupped once, then twice, then three times... and suddenly, it was as if the dam inside her broke. She let out a visceral howl, lunging for the first thing she could find - her chicken cuckoo clock, unused since last week, and she sent it careening across the room. It made a startled chirp as it hit the wall, and wow, did that feel good.

She fumbled some more; alighted upon another hapless victim. This time, her school pencil holder, and it too suffered the same fate. On and on it went, as she systematically began to destroy her room, a manic satisfaction stealing over her as Usagi heard every thud, crack and splat.

Her bedroom door went flying open.

" _Usagi_! What-"

"LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Her mother sounded horrified. "But-"

" _GO_!"

Ikuko made a hasty retreat. Usagi continued to rage, all of her raw, pent up emotions finally finding an outlet. She didn't need most of this junk anyway; everything was either useless to her in her sightless new state, or, it could easily be replaced. What mattered more was that at last, she was _feeling_ again. She was _healing_. Usagi didn't know how it was possible, but somehow Luna - that wonderful, smart, sassy cat, currently perched in the corner monitoring her charge to be sure she didn't accidentally harm herself - must have known what she did not. That this catharsis was exactly what Usagi needed. She had been bottling everything up for too long, but now, it was out in the open for her bedroom to receive. And she?

She was _free_.

It was relieving. Exhilarating. And very exhausting.

Usagi eventually lost steam, her body protesting weakly after its weeklong stint of inactivity, and so she collapsed onto the bed with a marveling chuckle. "That... felt really good."

"I figured perhaps now that you could not grieve in your usual manner, you had let it sit and fester inside you... and that perhaps you needed a more physical way to express your pain," Luna whispered, her voice like a soft caress within the shadows of Usagi's mind. The teen smiled brightly and opened up her arms, willing the cat to come cuddle with her a bit.

"Well you were right. I do feel loads better. Now... just a short power nap and then I think I might go downstairs and see what's for dinner," Usagi said, wrapping her arms around the ball of fur that had slipped into her waiting embrace. Luna kneaded her claws playfully into the fabric of Usagi's shirt.

"I think the more appropriate term would be _cat nap_ ," the ebony feline giggled, and Usagi had only the strength to snort drowsily before she began to drift. It was in the bewitching state just before sleep had her in its snares, when one's vulnerabilities are bared to the world, that she murmured,

"I'm not a coward, am I?"

"No. You are definitely _not_."

"I'm not. I need him to know that."

"He'll know."

oOo

She woke to hands carding through her hair, and the warm, familiar scent she'd grown up with her whole life; the one she associated with comfort... safety... provision... love.

"Well now... this is a little bit of a mess, isn't it?"

"I was re-decorating," Usagi quipped mildly, floating back to awareness with a cockney smile.

"I think you missed a spot," Ikuko returned the good humor, and Usagi had to laugh. "You seem in better spirits. I'm glad."

"I do feel better! More like... _me_ again. Whatever had hold of me before, it doesn't anymore." Ikuko helped Usagi up and gave her a fierce hug; the kind Usagi had always sought out after nightmares or a broken heart. She nuzzled into her Mama's protective grasp. "Sorry I've been a bit of a... well, you know... lately. I guess I've just been angry at the situation."

"Don't apologize, sweetie. You of all people shouldn't apologize. It's me who should be sorry. I pushed you into that lesson with Mamoru-san today, and I should have known it was too soon; you weren't ready. I just... I don't know. I feel like a terrible mother. I don't know _what_ you need. I'm hurting you more than helping you, seems like."

Usagi sighed. "It was just... you guys were treating me so differently. I'm still _me_. I'm not glass. But... I don't want to pretend nothing's wrong, either. If that makes sense?"

"Perfect sense."

"Really, I just wish everything would go back to normal," Usagi admitted, in a small voice.

"Oh honey," Ikuko gathered her back in, "We all wish that. More than anything. But you can't change what is, only how you react to it, and what matters now is that you keep on keeping on. I guess part of why I was pushing so hard was I just... didn't want to see you giving up."

"I won't give up. Promise," Usagi said, meaning it with every fibre of her being this time. "Which is why... I'm going to start up my lessons again tomorrow. For you... and for me."

Ikuko made a thrumming noise of approval Usagi felt deep into her chest. Her mother untangled them to gaze delightfully into Usagi's countenance; her daughter knew because the joy was positively emanating off the woman. "You will? Oh Usagi. I'm so proud. You'll learn so quickly, I know you will. And you'll have such a kind, sweet, _handsome_ teacher to boot."

She could hear the suggestive wink in Ikuko's teasing last remark, and it took all her willpower not to gag openly. "Ewwww, Mama! He's... he's old!"

_And a smarmy, cold-hearted, fashion-deficient jerk!_

"Hey, you're almost fifteen. That's what, three and a half years? That's nothing when you're adults. Your Papa and I are five years apart!"

"Mama, _please_..."

"Not your type?"

"Not even a little bit."

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


End file.
